Wednesday, December 12, 2012

State of the Cat: The December Edition

You want to know what's pretty weird? Actually feeling like I have time to blog. That's what's weird. It's not that I literally don't usually have time to sit down and type out a post now and then, because I do. It's more that it's hard for me to feel like my time and writing energy is really, truly my own... even on the weekends or the evenings when I'm off.

Clients and writing assignments usually take a lot out of me during the week. In fact, I'm sometimes so mentally and physically drained by the time Saturday and Sunday roll around that I feel like I need to spend both days lying around like a slug so that I'll feel rested again by Monday. That really shouldn't be, considering the fact that I work for myself out of my own home in a field that isn't physically demanding at all.  I should feel energized enough on the weekends to at least do some light walking if I want to or -- at the very least -- some reading or blogging. Right now I don't and really... if you actually feel too tired and drained to pick up a book and concentrate on the plot, you're in bad shape.

I'm thinking one of the things I really need to work on most in 2013 is making a concentrated effort to shift my focus from making as much money as possible to actually taking care of myself professionally and personally. For that reason, I'm thinking I'm going to make the rest of December sort of a light month work-wise. I just cut ties with a very difficult client that had been demanding a lot of my time for a while now. They were just getting ridiculous as far as how disrespectful they were in their communications and expectations.

After giving things some thought, I see no real reason to overstuff my schedule again right away when I need the down time a lot more. I have other clients that have been hearing a lot of "sorry I can't right now" from me lately because of the other client, so I will probably be working on some things they wanted me to do for them. That's about it though -- at least until after New Year's. By then, I'll probably feel ready to be busier again.


In other not-so-exciting news, I can't believe that we're halfway to Christmas already. November pretty much came and went without my so much as thinking about NaNoWriMo. Seriously, this year I didn't even bother to sign up or try to tell myself I'd have time to do that shit. I remember other people and other writers posting about it, but what I don't remember is actually giving any kind of a crap about it myself. Normally I at least feel a little regretful that I'm not making the time, even to visit the forums and chat with other writers.

I guess this means I've really, truly outgrown the event at this point. There are lots of reasons why, but I think the most glaring is that it's no longer even kind of a challenge for me. Their daily word count target is... like... 1600 words or something. I type that much in my sleep these days just for clients. That doesn't even count any other personal writing or blogging I might decide to do. In fact, I'd say I average roughly 6000-8000 words on a typical day of writing. Sometimes much more. Winning NaNoWriMo is no longer much of an achievement for me, so I don't really see the point in bothering anymore.

What I would consider an achievement is actually getting back in the habit of making writing truly fun for myself again. At this point, it's totally a job or about at least the potential to make money and I'm definitely almost always in work mode when I sit down to write anything at all, whether it's for a client or not. Being the free spirit that I am, it's never good when something feels like a job or like nothing but a money-making endeavor. 

I've tried so many things in the past to get back in touch with that optimistic girl who couldn't wait to get home at the end of the day to write... and I can't find her. I'm not ready to give up just yet though. That feeling of being completely on fire about writing was just too good not to try to recapture it any way I can.